"You're gay."
"What? Why would you say that?"
"Because you drink sherry! That stuff is for queers and little old ladies, and little old ladies who are queer!"
"No, no, no. You're wrong. Sherry is for homeless people. Or at least, that's what I see them buying. The $8 bottle of fortified wine sherry that they keep behind the counter at the grocery store wine shop. If it was out in the open, people would steal it left and right."
"Gay, little old ladies who are homeless then?"
"But this is no $8 bottle, friend. This cost me $20."
"Gay homeless snobby old ladies."
The bottle says, "Tawny gold colour. Nutty with a touch of sweetness. Dry finish."
"See? That screams gay little old ladies!"
And it's tough to argue with that, because I know an old lady named Tawny, and she's all of that and a bag of chips.
Anyway, the drink.
"Ugh! Why did I buy this crap? It tastes like fucking paint thinner."
"Okay, you might be straight."
"Nutty? It tastes like a burning acorn shat out by a constipated squirrel. It flies across the tongue like a burning bullet. Yuck. Dry. I have to stop buying dry stuff. I keep forgetting how much I hate dry booze. Liquids should be wet, damn it."
"How can a liquid be dry, anyway?"
"In this case, it's like licking sandpaper. Mind you, this poison is a very nice tawny gold colour."
"Yes, I suppose it does LOOK good."
"Each sip is worse than the last. So not my thing. Ugh. I'm sure some people would like it, but why? Ugh. It tastes like unsweetened ginger ale with a hint of liquid battery."
"Now that's just cruel."
"No, no. It's horrid. Yuck!"
"Maybe you just have an unrefined pallette."
"No. It sucks."
"Well, let me see if you really have a pallette worth paying attention to. What are you have for dinner?"
"Kraft Dinner and salad."
"Yeah. Okay. No. Not listening to you. Sorry."
"God damn it."
Your pallette is unrefined, but that's because you paint with acrylics. Your palate is actually pretty refined.
ReplyDeleteThe Lustau oloroso is pretty good, by the way.